Angela

Hello, my name is Angela. I am 58 years old and am married to my best friend. I have four beautiful babies, three boys and one girl. They are grown but will always be my babies. I am a Memaw to 14 grandbabies. I love the Lord, and life is good. I was asked to do this, so…… I want to tell you a story.

Once upon a time, there was a girl. She had a good home, loving parents, an education, and knew right from wrong. She wasn’t brought up in church, but she did attend vacation Bible school when the neighborhood church had it in the summer. She attended some church with friends and learned who God was. She talked to Him all the time but hadn’t quite figured out that He was speaking to her, as well.

Her parents were strict, and like any teenager, she couldn’t wait to move out and do what SHE wanted. So, after she graduated high school, she thought she was a grown woman and could take care of herself. So that’s what she did. She left home to find out what kind of fun she had been missing out on, and that was the biggest mistake of her life.

Her parents gave her a car; she got a job from her aunt and then an apartment of her own. She had it made (or so she thought). She made new friends, went to new places, and did new things - things that were not what she was used to doing. She was 18 years old, fresh out of high school, fresh out of her parent’s house, and heading down a road she had never been on.

She started drinking with her new so-called “friends” and smoking weed. Her new friends always wanted her around, and she felt kind of popular. They loved her kindness, along with her car, her money, and her party house. But it didn’t matter because she was the boss of her own life, with no one telling her what to do.

Then she met this tall (6ft 5), blond-haired, blue-eyed man. He was a real smooth talker, and she was head over heels. Nothing mattered except for him. He was the love of her life; she had never felt like this before. He showed her that those so-called friends were just using her, and he let her know that she needed only him. He told her he would take care of her and take her away from everyone.

Unfortunately, that included her family. He moved her from West Virginia to Colorado and said that they were going to get married and raise a family. That was all she needed to hear. She loved babies and always wanted to be a mommy and now this man was going to make all her dreams come true. He loved her so much!

Before long, she became pregnant. Prince Charming asked her to marry him, and they got married in a courthouse in Golden, Colorado. She was 19, married, about to have a baby, and thousands of miles away from her family. On October 5th, 1985, her firstborn son arrived. She was over the moon. The happiness was so overwhelming. What more could she possibly ask for?

Then, a few days after she and her little family went home, she got a phone call from her mother-in-law. She was Prince Charming’s step-mother. She told her that while she was in labor, they were at her apartment, trying to let Prince Charming know that his wife was in labor and that he needed to get to the hospital to be by her side, but there was no answer. They knocked and knocked, but no one came to the door.

Just as they started to leave, their beloved son stepped out of the next-door neighbor’s apartment, soaking wet. Prince Charming was in the shower with the next-door neighbor while his wife was in labor. The girl was crushed. Why would she tell her this? All kinds of thoughts ran through her mind…..she doesn’t like me, she is trying to break us up, etc. Prince Charming would never do that to her.

So, when he came home that night, she told him about the phone call, and immediately, he started popping off excuses. He didn’t deny it; he just got extremely angry. He threw it in her face and said it was her fault, that he had needs and she couldn’t satisfy them. What she heard was a slap in the face - she wanted out of that apartment right then and there.

However, Prince Charming wouldn’t let her leave and beat her for the first time that night. She was so scared. She was thousands of miles away from her family, with a newborn baby and a husband with an abusive side that she never would have thought he had. The following day, after Prince Charming headed off to work (like nothing had happened), she ran away.

She went to a girl she met at the doctor’s office when they were both pregnant (their due dates were close together, and they became friends). She asked her if she and her son could stay with her for a few days until she got a hold of her parents. She said, “Of course,” and tried to comfort the girl. Later that evening, Prince Charming bombarded her with phone calls. He told her how sorry he was, then drove by her friend’s house, screaming that he loved her.

She was so embarrassed that she went outside to talk with him, and he cried and begged for her to come back home. He said he loved her and that he was so sorry, and it would never happen again. All he wanted was for his family to be together. He promised her that the monster she saw would never come out again.

Well, she fell for that, hook, line, and sinker. After all, their family was just getting started, and she couldn’t tell her parents that they were right about him. She didn’t want to feel like a failure, and she didn’t want her son to have a broken home when he was only 2 weeks old.

So she told herself, “I’m sure it was just the one time. He loves us; he was just stressed about the new baby,” and back to Prince Charming she went. Things went well for a while. She found a job as a secretary in an Auto Repair Shop. Then Prince Charming started not coming home on Fridays after work. Sometimes, he would be gone all weekend, and when he did come home, he always had an excuse for having no money left from his paycheck.

She didn’t question him too much because she didn’t want to upset him, but she was scared because she didn’t make enough money for their rent, food, utilities, and diapers. They finally got an eviction notice on their door, and she freaked out. Where would they take their 2-year-old son if they got evicted? She felt a lot of pressure and anxiety.

One day, a customer came in to pay for services on his vehicle and handed her a blank check. She took that check, put her name on it, and cashed it. She paid the rent and thought all would be good…nope! Before you know it, she was pregnant with baby #2, and five months into her pregnancy, she got arrested for the money she stole to pay rent.

Never in her life would she have thought she would be sitting in a jail cell, and pregnant to boot! Because she’d never been in trouble before, she got probation. Over the last three years, her life had become a rollercoaster. Prince Charming hadn’t put his hands on her since the first time, but red flags were flying everywhere.

For example, whenever she was on the phone with her family, he sat with her and monitored her calls. Because it was a long-distance call, she could only call when he gave her permission. If they were out in public and other men were around, he wanted her to keep her head down. He told her that way, he wouldn’t get in any trouble, because if someone looked at his woman, he would have to break their face.

He still wasn’t coming home from work on payday, but she was numb. Baby #2 arrived, and she thought that would change things, that he would be different because now there were twice the responsibilities, but it didn’t. It didn’t change a thing. So, she had this crazy idea to start drinking and smoking weed with Prince Charming. Maybe that way, he would stay at home with her and the kids.

After she did that, not only did he stay home partying, but his younger brother was there as well. They would drink, smoke weed, and just hang out. She started noticing that Prince Charming and his brother would occasionally go to the bathroom and stay in there for long periods of time, so one day, she got curious and opened the door while they were in there.

What she saw was scary. They were putting needles in their arms, so she freaked out and asked what was going on. After he got her to calm down, Prince Charming told her that it was the best high she could ever imagine. So, she held out her arm and said, “Give me some then.” The father of her children, the man who said he loved her so much, put a needle of cocaine in her arm. That was the beginning of the end. Now they were both hooked, and the downhill spiral began.

Of course, they both lost their jobs, as getting high was the main objective. If there were drugs around, Prince Charming was happy, but if he needed something, then he became a monster again. The beatings came a lot more often, and she had to go out on the streets and beg for money with her babies. Sometimes, she would claim that she had broken down or needed money for food or gas, and sometimes, it would take hours just to get 20-30 dollars.

One day, she was out walking by herself when a car started circling the block, going around 3 or 4 times. She didn’t know why, but the car stopped, and the guy inside asked her if she wanted a ride. She told him her hard luck story and asked if he could spare $20, but he told her he would give her $40 if she would get in the car and go for a drive with him.

So, off she went to try something else that she would never have thought of doing in a million years. It was revolting, but it was better than walking the streets and begging for money. When she got back to the motel room where they were now living, $40 in hand, she thought Prince Charming would say something about why she was back so fast (since she hadn’t even been gone half an hour), but he never said a word.

After that, she went out many times and they had money all the time to get high. Prince Charming was so happy and content. He stayed in the motel room with their 2 kids while she went out and got money for their addiction. She knew Prince Charming knew what she was doing to get the money, and she even parked a car in front of their motel room and performed the deed there, knowing that he could see her. She was hoping that he would tell her to stop, but that never happened.

She was so tired, so ashamed, and hated everything about her life. Then, she ended up pregnant with baby #3. She weighed maybe 90 pounds (and that was while soaking wet) and had track marks all over her arms. It was so hard, but she stopped using and begged Prince Charming to stop, too. Surprisingly, he did.

He went to his dad and asked him for a job, promising him that he was ready to be a good husband and father. His dad helped him with a place to live and put him to work. She thought things were back to normal again and gave birth to a beautiful baby girl.

Then, one night, Prince Charming brought home a guy he met at a bar, and they started smoking crack. Again, the girl gets high with them. She hit the pipe and was re-hooked. In her mind, this was so much better. She didn’t have to worry about people seeing the track marks on her arms and the high was so good, Round 2 began, and she eventually went back to selling her body so they could get high.

Prince Charming was happy if she came back to him with drugs or money, but if she didn’t, he would beat her and the beatings were worse than they had ever been before. He would beat her and call her names, telling her what a worthless piece of trash she was, and how nobody would want her with 3 kids. Her self-esteem was gone.

She didn’t even feel like a mommy anymore because what kind of mother does this to her children? And now, to make things worse, she found out that she was pregnant again. She had a hard time staying clean during her pregnancy with baby #4, and the beatings continued since she couldn’t go out and make money for Prince Charming’s drugs in her condition. Sometimes, he beat her so bad that she would lay on the floor and play dead, just hoping he’d stop.

That pregnancy was so hard; she was miserable and just wanted to have the baby, because then maybe they’d be a family again. Something had to change - she was at her breaking point. After the baby came, everything went back to the way it was. Drugs, fighting, jail, etc.

One day, she got picked up for solicitation and found out that there was a warrant out for her arrest. She hadn’t been to her probation officer for years. Now she was back in jail again, strung out, scared, and getting ready for her whole life to crash. She ended up getting five years in prison. Her four children went into the system, and Prince Charming headed back to West Virginia.

She did two and a half years, and when she got out, she tried to find out where her kids were. She learned that they had been adopted and that she couldn’t have any contact with them or even know where they were. So, she went back to the only thing she knew how to do to survive. She made some money, got high, got a motel room, and let the hurt and shame take over.

She went to depths no one could imagine. Drugs and depression became all she knew: she was in and out of jail, did another round in prison, and lived on the streets. She prayed to God all the time to just let her die, even trying to overdose on cocaine to escape. When she came to, the doctor said that she had so much cocaine in her system, it would’ve killed a horse. But not her, apparently!

She was still stuck in the nightmare she called life. But through it all, God had a plan. He saved her from so much more than just an overdose. For example, once she was waiting for her stuff in a crack house and fell asleep. She woke up, feeling as if someone was shaking her and telling her to wake up and get out of the house right away. So she did, telling them that she’d be back in a little while, but when she returned, the whole house had been shot up. It happened right after she left.

Another time, she was in a car, out in the middle of nowhere on a dirt road, fighting with a guy who was trying to rob her. She fought him off and he pushed her out of his car. When he did, her shirt got caught on the door latch, dragging her down the dirt road face first. She had road rash from the top of her face to the bottom of her feet, but if you look at her today, you wouldn’t even know it. She doesn’t have any scars.

Yet another time, when she was in jail, she went to court. The judge sentenced her to a recovery program, but the program was full at the time, so he said he’d let her out until a bed became available. Out of nowhere, she said, “Your Honor, I think it would be in both of our best interests if I just stayed here until a bed opens.” She didn’t know where in the world those words came from, but they were not hers.

Street life is a hard place to survive; it’s literally every person for themselves. Occasionally, she would run into some cool people, but that was very rare. She was not one to steal from others and never tried to rob anyone. She didn’t want to be constantly looking over her shoulder and figured that she got herself in this mess, so she would live it without hurting anyone else. Even if she got hurt herself, which she did, many times.

But, through it all, she never lost heart. Maybe that’s what saved her. Drug counselors told her parents that she was a hard addict but not hardened. She fed her habit and sometimes others, but she had respect out there in those streets. She was out there for a very long time.

At the age of 35, she was in rehab yet again. She felt like she had been in so many rehabs she could run one, but the hard thing was that she struggled to use what she learned there in her own life. While she was there, her mother called and told her that her son wanted to see her. Her oldest son was 16 - she hadn’t seen him since he was 5.

He found his grandparents, and her mom told him that she was in rehab, and where he could find her. After the phone call, she faced a whirlwind of emotions. She was excited, to say the least, but she was also scared and ashamed. She didn’t want her child to see her in that environment. She had all these emotions but no drugs to numb them; it was overwhelming.

He came to see her and they had a wonderful visit. They talked and cried, and she didn’t want him to leave. He wanted her to come with him, so this may be the part where you’re thinking, “She got her act together!” but unfortunately, not yet. She left the rehab with her son, and then he told her that he had been in contact with Prince Charming. He was living in Baltimore, Maryland, and that is where her son was heading next.

He wanted her to go with him, so they headed off to Baltimore. She tried her best not to see Prince Charming, but eventually, it was inevitable. He had remarried and hadn’t changed one bit. He started doing his thing, telling her how much he loved her and wanted them to be a family again, and while she felt disgusted and wanted nothing to do with him, she still wanted that, too. But she was as sick as he was - she didn’t need another addict to feed and could do bad all by herself, so it was never going to happen.

She told her son she was leaving, and they both left Maryland and headed to Colorado. She learned that her first and second born were both adopted by Prince Charming’s parents and grew up together. His parents had always liked her, but they were skeptical to see her. Back in the day, when she and Prince Charming were together, they would ask, “How long are you going to stay with him? Until he kills you?”

So, she got a job and was staying with the chaplain of the prison she had recently gotten out of. She went to see her second son play basketball, after not having seen him since he was 3. Prince Charming’s parents told her she could come and visit the boys anytime she wanted, so she got a rundown apartment nearby. They let the boys come and spend weekends, and eventually, they let her have the boys full-time.

She was the happiest she’d been in a long time. But when her second son got into a fight at school, he got suspended, and his grandmother told the principal that he was living with his mother now. The principal called social services, and they put an end to it. She was not allowed to have any contact with the boys until they were 18.

She was crushed. She felt so alone; she had to let her kids down again. Back to the streets she went, because at least she could stay numb there. She couldn’t deal with losing them - not again.

When her boys found out she was back on the streets, they were crushed. They said that they didn’t want anything to do with her if she wanted that life. She wanted to die more than anything in the world and prayed to God to please, just let her die. She gave up on everything. She stayed in a rundown old motel room and only came out to make money and get more drugs. She didn’t think she could get much lower.

Then, out of nowhere, her second son called and asked her to come to West Virginia. He had gone to live with his father and things weren’t working out. She jumped on a plane and was there in a heartbeat, and her son ended up coming back to Colorado with her. She moved him into her drug dealer boyfriend’s house, but it was a nightmare.

Trying to be a mother to a teenage boy while doing drugs was too much for her. Her mind finally got the best of her, and one day, she just took off, leaving her son with the bikers in the house while she went back to the streets. Then, when her son was heading back to West Virginia, he came to look for her to say goodbye. She couldn’t even look him in the face - she hid from her own son.

Then one night, while she was out working, she got picked up for prostitution and sent to the county jail. She had been there so many times that she knew all the guards on a first-name basis. One evening while she was there she went to a church service, just so she could get out of her cell and see people from other dorms.

When the service started, it was as if the church women were speaking directly to her. She felt convicted and ashamed. Who would have thought that at age 40 she would be an addict, a prostitute, a terrible daughter, a terrible mother, and just all in all a terrible human being? When she got back to her damp, dark cell, she felt something come over her that she couldn’t explain. She fell on her face and begged God to forgive her and please help her. She cried long and hard, and then she heard God’s voice as if he was lying right beside her.

Peace came over her and it felt as if someone was holding her in their arms. God heard her and wrapped His loving arms around her.

She had spoken with the chaplain about wanting to go back home to West Virginia, and when she got out of jail, a plane ticket was waiting for her. She left Colorado with nothing more than the clothes on her back, praying for a new life, as God had promised. She hadn’t heard anything from her sons, but she put all 4 of her children in God’s hands and worked on herself.

She found out that she had two grandchildren. One of them was her oldest son’s - a girl - and the other one was her second son’s - a boy. They were in West Virginia. Prince Charming was still in West Virginia too, but she was bound and determined to focus only on herself and her relationship with God. She found a wonderful church, and doors started opening left and right. She got a job where she could live with people and take care of them, she was given a car, and all kinds of changes were taking place.

Her sons started calling her, and slowly, they started patching things up. It was the hardest thing she had ever done in her life, but she needed them to talk to her about the past. They would tell her exactly how they felt, she would listen, and then after that, they stopped bringing up the past. They worked on their future.

She numbed her emotions with drugs for all those years and now she had to heal from it. She had to learn how to face life with the sadness, shame, guilt, anger, and loneliness she carried, and also learn how to forgive herself. It wasn’t an easy process, and there were a lot of falls and scrapes, but she always knew that God was with her.

Then, one year after she returned to West Virginia, her oldest son called (he still lived in Colorado). He informed her that his sister had just contacted him - she found him from Prince Charming’s parents in Colorado. Both she and their baby brother had been adopted by a family, thankfully together the whole time. She couldn’t believe that she now had all four of her children in her life again.

Their relationships weren’t always easy, but that is what families are about. She was getting her life back together, one miracle at a time. You know how God says He will give you back everything that the devil took from you? Well, that was how she felt. Eventually, her youngest two both came to live with her, although at different times. And she definitely had to work on those relationships, as well. It didn’t happen overnight, after all, it took many years for her to hit rock bottom, so it took just as many years to crawl out.

Has she been able to make up for all the years that they lost with each other? No. Has she been the perfect mom? Definitely not! But she is in their lives now, and they know she isn’t going anywhere.

She lost out on a lot of her life, but God has given her many years to let her children see the real side of her. She’s worked hard, giving God control of her life. During it all, she met someone who treated her like no one ever had. She wasn’t looking for a relationship, but out of nowhere, he came.

He was a good man, and he made her feel like she was beautiful She had NEVER felt anything like this with Prince Charming. She was happy. He said kind things to her, and her confidence was rising. She hadn’t ever had a healthy relationship with a man before.

In the beginning, she tried to sabotage their relationship because all she knew was brokenness. She was just waiting for something to go wrong. That way, she wouldn’t get hurt when things ended. But this new guy hung in there. She did eventually tell him about her past and why she’d sometimes go into fight or flight mode, but he just told her he loved her and would never hurt her. Her kids liked him, and that was a plus for her.

Nearly 12 years ago, she married him. They’ve been together for 15 years now. Things aren’t perfect in their lives, but she never has to worry about being evicted, not having food or him turning into a monster. She has consistency, and she is blessed. God didn’t want her wasting her time with Prince Charming when he had a Knight in Shining Armor waiting for her.

God has been trying to get her to tell others why she is still alive today, why she has her family back, and why she went through everything she did. Satan doesn’t want that to happen - the enemy has told her so many lies. She was scared of what people might think of her if she told her story and what God did for her, She was afraid she’d get all fired up, ready to take on the devil himself, and then bam, run straight into a brick wall. Back and forth she went.

Satan doesn’t want anyone to know what God has done to set her free. He doesn’t want her to talk about how God was with her, even in the darkest of pits. How God pulled her up and set her free from her addiction and the life she was living, How He gave her her family back and a man who truly loves her for who she is. He doesn’t want anyone to know how God put people in her life that lift her and remind her that she is a child of God.

And most of all, he doesn’t want her to tell anyone that without God, she is nothing. She is a survivor and a fighter, and she knows that she would be dead right now if not for the help of her Heavenly Father.

So, how could she not tell anyone about her life? The devil is a liar. He doesn’t want anyone to tell you how Jesus Christ can turn your life around. He doesn’t want anyone to do the work of our Father; he doesn’t want you to know that God can take the drugs and alcohol out of your life and put your family back in. He doesn’t want you to know that you are so much more than an addict, an alcoholic, a prostitute, a homeless man or woman… you are a child of God.

She was tired of not sharing God’s amazing love. She knows that she needs to share with others, and even though she’s scared, God has shown her that talking about the things she’s ashamed of can help someone else. Letting go of the past and praying that she can help even just one individual not have to go through what she went through is worth it. She wants to let everyone know that there is a way out.

Has the devil held you long enough? When you’re finally at your breaking point and are sick and tired of being sick and tired, you can raise your hands and cry out to Jesus! He will help you stand on your own.

A lot of people want to blame God for their situations, just like she did, but try and look back on everything God has saved you from or pulled you out of. He pulled her through and stood her up so that she could help others; she just needed to surrender it all. She is now working at the Union Rescue Mission and is able to pray and talk with people whom she relates to. She loves her job and is anxious to get there every day. That is a miracle from God.

If you could have had a glimpse of her back in those days, you’d be able to see with your own eyes what a miraculous God we serve. God wants you to trust him and cry out. He is just waiting for you; He will hear you.

She cries out to Him daily, always working to have that relationship, but it is worth it. If you seek God and have a relationship with Him, things will be so much easier. We all go through dark places in our lives. You may not struggle with being strung out on drugs or selling your body for money, but no matter what your struggles are, you eventually must choose. We either surrender it all or we die.

She chose to surrender. She is not what some people call one of the lucky ones or some kind of saint; she had to let God change her! She couldn’t have done it without Jesus. She couldn’t, and you can’t either. No one can. She gives all the glory to her Father in heaven.

She challenges you, if you think it isn’t true about surrendering, just give your life to Jesus. Ask him to forgive you and change your life. Read His word and ask Him questions, Get to know Him, then if you don’t feel like you see changes or you don’t feel that love, you WILL find out what love really is at one point. If you lay it at the feet of Jesus and surrender, you will.

The girl in the story thought she would die out there on the streets. At times she really wanted to, but she didn’t. She is here today, sharing with you that even when you feel like everything is crap and you can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel, Jesus can be your light.

God loves us and is waiting with open arms. God didn’t put this story in front of you for no reason; you’re reading this so you can see that no matter how many pieces you’re broken into, He can make you whole again.

To finish the story, the girl knows that without surrendering, she would not be here. She is a survivor and a child of God. She is me! I’m grateful to the Lord God Almighty for letting me share my story. I’ve been clean for almost twenty years, and while it hasn’t been easy, today, I’m finally living my best life.

I get to pray with anyone who comes to the Union Rescue Mission and share my story with them. I wake up eager to do God’s work every day!

I want you to know that there is always hope. I am God’s living proof.