Yunnietta Solis
I was lost. I did not understand why I was here. I did not know where to go or what to do. I felt alone, abandoned, and misunderstood. It left me to be sad, depressed, and suicidal. I was young.
I was a drug addict. I loved to numb my pain and trauma. I loved to have fun. It made me temporarily happy. I was quite busy most of the time. I was almost always high. It lifted me up from my darkness in a naive way. I wanted to consume all types of drugs without dying and It led me to want to do all types of crimes without remorse. I was a criminal and a drug addict and I was young.
I was schizophrenic. It came out of nowhere while I was working the late night shift. I started hearing a voice. Up to this day, I think that Satan gave it to me. The voices haunted me, it all started with screaming in public really loud and believing the lies that the voices told me. Eventually, it got worse, and the voices lived to make me angry and violent. I started trying to fight people and think violent thoughts. Eventually, Satan came into my dreams and told me to kill my mother because she was going to kill me tonight. So I attempted to kill my mother. I chased her with a knife which failed terribly and lastly broke a glass filled with marbles on her head. There was blood all over the floor. There was blood all over my hands and arms. I felt so guilty when I realized it was all a hallucination and from Satan himself who I did not even know about or believe in at that time. I cried more than I have ever in my life. I could not forgive myself. I was the most horrible person in my heart. I felt like all my life led to be the biggest failure. My mom needed to go to the hospital and get stitches and staples on her head and stitches on her hands. Eventually, I realized that it was not my fault, I was sick.
I started trying to gain knowledge and wisdom in all worldly things, religions, scriptures and spirituality, and all things that exist. I desired to know all things, I desired to know the truth, and I desired to find happiness. In me grew the desire to be God, to be the most powerful, most beautiful, greatest, #1 in all things, and limitless in power because I did not know a God existed and I wanted to look up to someone and I had no one to look up to so I tried to become this idea to look up to somebody, and finally, live without guilt for all my past troubles and mistakes.
Eventually, after I finished trying to search, after a while, 5 years later, at 22 years old, Jesus Christ came in a dream 3 different nights, 3 different times and told me "I am Jesus, the one and true God." I did not know what to believe. I did not know what to do with this information. I had so many doubts. Eventually, with all the encounters I had with Jesus in my dreams continously, I surrendered and gave in. Still, I went back to the world, not understanding what kind of God he is or what I want with him, or what he wants with me. At 23 years old, in 2022, a couple of months after I accepted Jesus Christ on the beginning of the year, I really started to understand, I started to take him seriously, and built my foundation on him.
I realized soon enough not too long ago, Jesus is my God. I seek to be baptized because I truly believe in Jesus Christ. I truly have faith in Jesus Christ. I truly have hope in Jesus Christ. I truly am knowing Jesus Christ through the word of the bible which after testing it does admit that Jesus Christ is God. I am thankful he gives me the ability of dreams and visions of him. I know his desire for me in them. I try and try to be faithful, good, and agreeable to his desire for me, without doubting. I pray the same prayer everyday, I read the scriptures everyday, I worship everyday, I fast when It's the lords will, I obey and act on the words of the Bible, I listen for his will for me all so I can have a everlasting relationship with him, I do my part, he does his part. My soul cries because I know how horrible and treacherous and deep the wounds of the lost are. How I was nothing without him. How I destroyed my body, my mind, my heart, my soul all those years before Christ. Now, I deal with the after effect. It was not the temple of christ, my body. I loved the wrong things and sought gratification through them. Now I know true love. Now I know truth. Now I know true freedom. I am able with Jesus Christ. I am in love like never before. I surrender to christ all my days because he is life. He is the way. He is the truth. There is nothing like him. From death to life. He fills what I was always trying to fill since the day I came out of my momma's womb. I feel so close to the lord. I feel like I am doing everything I should be doing. I feel so obedient. Yet, I am a sinner. So I pray that he intercedes for me, forever and always, that I may draw nearer to him, each second. I've never felt so satisfied. I wait on the Lord. He has forgiven me.