Kaspar Janaugust

I've always felt drawn to Christ, but the pretentiousness, judgmentalism, self-righteousness, and hypocrisy of many churches repulsed me. For the last 3 years, I have been on a journey of seeking and discovering God through mysticism but was still struggling with anger, addictions, and anxiety, as well as seeking answers in occult practices. In 2022 my 3-year-long quest to find God and survive the dark night of the soul came to a culmination, where I was forced to completely surrender and humble myself to God, giving my will to Him. After a particularly ego-shattering period of conviction, my faith in Christ was extremely tested by the strongholds of doubt and false beliefs, as well as pride and the illusion of self-sufficiency. Over the past 2 months, my faith has been increasing and I have seen miracles in my life: forgiveness of others and myself, much more peace in my family, and healing of my childhood trauma, PTSD, anger, depression, and anxiety. Where I was striving and struggling to free myself from these things through worldly works and spiritual modalities, it was the simple surrender in faith, the unveiling of the face of God and His goodness, grace, and mercy. I stopped fearing His judgment as I understood that Christ came to seek a relationship with me, not to condemn, but to redeem in perfect Love. Now I love Christ for both the man and God in the flesh He is, and I can enjoy the presence of God in creation with full faith in Christ's power to redeem the fallen.

Every day my faith strengthens and slowly the joy, courage, hope, and especially peace is fully returning to my soul. I fully trust in God now, love my relationship with Jesus and rest on the bedrock prayer of my life "Dear Father, I commit my life into your hands. My will is Yours--I want to do Your will only."

Don't let the doubts stop you. There is no need to fight, worry, or struggle any longer. Simply trust in God and the goodness of Christ, reading about His life, work, and spiritual mission as the Savior and Redeemer of Man. It's okay to question, but let trust be the foundation that if you truly, sincerely ask God to reveal the one and only Truth to you, He will do so. All it requires is surrender, trust, and a willing heart. Beauty is not always easy, but it is the only worthwhile one. God bless you and may the glorious light of Christ fill your heart and the hearts of all your love touches.